How can you un-want a desire you have that’s second to living
When you feel that it will give your life its meaning?
How can you block a light that is brightly shining
When in the shadows you are spent, hiding?
How can you walk away from your heart’s beating
When it’s the only thing that keeps you breathing?
08.17.14 16:08
© debi620 ©djklmnopi
A stare that launches butterflies in my stomach
A smile that sends me up to cloud nine
A touch that sends tingles to my spine
A voice so familiar yet catches me off-guard
A feeling making me giggly and weak in the knees
A glance that envelops like warm embrace
A hug that surely makes my day
A love, a feeling, here to stay.
07.18.14 17:36
©debi620 ©djklmnopi
07.11.14 7:03
We have a battle, every day. It’s on, all the time – a battle against the flesh, against the evil of this world, against Satan.
Our weapon is mighty – if only we use it, if only we depend on it, if only we hang on to it. Our defense makes us more than conquerors, our Guide has went before us, the battle has been won yet in our weaknesses we fall back.
Let us hold on to Him, to His Word, to Jesus Christ, whose love has made us more than conquerors of the this world.
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” ~ Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” ~ Romans 8:37 (NIV)
“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~ 1 Corinthians 15:56-57 (NIV)
To be hope.
As light at the end of a dark tunnel signifies an end of the dark claustrophobic journey.
To be life.
As light to a soil brings life to a seed buried in the ground.
To be joy.
As light brings smiles after a gloomy day.
To be truth.
As light exposes what the dark conceals.
To shine.
As light cannot be hidden, it is by nature made to shine as far as its might can take it.
11.26.13 21:39
“I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles,
Isaiah 42:6 NIV
When you find it
You hold on to it
Like you would of your most-prized possession.
Cleaving on to it
Savouring every inch of it
Like you do to your own dear life.
It may pass
It may never last
But right now,
It’s yours at last.
Though it may leave
And as it does you weep
But etched in your heart
A mark permanent and sweet.
And you know,
Once in your life you had it.
And you hope,
Once again you will find it.
Few days back, I started writing down tidbits of praise and prayer. The back story for how it started and why:
I sat contemplating about envy, anger, things happening around me, things going on inside my head, temptations I fight and failed to fight. Then, I am inspired by St. Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth…
2 Corinthians 12:9
“ But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
By His Cross, I see my sins and shame crucified.
By His Resurrection, I see my salvation and victory.
In my weakness, I see His strength.
In my sins, I see His mercy.
In my fallen state, I see His unconditional love.
I am made perfect in my weakness, through His strength.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, flaws and all.
I am perfectly flawed for His glory.
I am His child, so dearly loved.
I am a child in awe of my Father, my God, my King.
And I will sing and proclaim His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His love, and this Hope through His gift to me – writing.
Debbie
7/30/2013 5:04 PM
Closing time… Wasted time…?
Here I am, waiting for the clock to strike 6 so I can leave – few minutes less of an hour to go.
What am I doing with my life? Is this really where I should be? I try to grasp the meaning of this all. If asked how I ended in this place, I often say, I just went with the flow. Half-truth. Circumstances led me here, but it is my indecision, my lack of direction that kept me here. With that being determined, with that fact laid out there, what’s next? I have often been told and judged to be too timid to act. Friends meant well when they try to push me out of this zone, when they pep talk me to leaving this job, when they encourage me to work at Ocean Adventure (yes, to that point!). Believe me, I took a step I normally wouldn’t. I did act. I went ahead. I resigned. I enrolled. And still, I am here. Resignation denied. Home-schooling stopped. What happened? Was it still my indecision? Didn’t I fight hard enough? Didn’t I push harder? All in the realm of ‘maybe’. Wasn’t I misunderstood and misjudged once again?
As a daughter, let me tell all parents out there, be as supportive as you can be of your children. Do not impose your dreams on them. You may know best but you are not your child. Not because you find a career good meant it will be good for your child. Not because you cannot do it doesn’t mean your child cannot achieve. And do not compute the money, the time, the effort you have given them and use that to threaten or coerce them to do your will. Give them wings to fly, and never ever ever tell them they can’t fly. My parents are supportive… partly, as typical Chinese parents do. They support you in the arts while you’re young and when you are about to enter the real world, they only support you if you take business or whatever they think will bring in the most financial stability for you – definitely not drawing or writing or teaching or even singing. If it had been differently, I would be on TV. They divide your lives in numerical periods –at a certain age you should be like this, accomplished this, and yet they keep treating you like an eleven-year-old. I know I may not understand yet how it is to be a parent. I will write about that when the time comes. But for now, this is the sentiment of a daughter who wanted to spread her wings but found herself caged in. It is easy for other people to say – go ahead, jump ahead, to push you forward – because they are not the ones who will dishonor their parents. Sometimes, I do think about it – this is about me and my life, my happiness… and I should be the one in control, not my parents. But how do you act on something without considering the feelings of other people, especially people who have been with you through the years? I must say, my parents did teach me well – they did a pretty good job in instilling respect for them, even though they always tell me I disrespect them (when I answer back). I can be a rebel with a cause, a daughter who fought for her happiness in spite of, the girl who reached for her dreams and (hopefully) found that it’s what she expected and more, and then what? All that is ahead are uncertain. What I only have is right now – this job, this family, the community and God.
Sometimes, like today, I am bothered. An idle mind is truly the devil’s playground.
I pray, Lord, that you sort through my heart’s desires and take away those against Your will for me. I ask for Your guidance and for the fulfillment of these desires. I seek You and Your will, Your plan. I knock and knock and will keep on knocking until You make a way for the fulfillment of Your will. And I will hold on to the hope and future You promised, Lord. And I will hold on to your command to honor and obey parents as it is well for me (Ephesians) and it pleases You. (Colossians).
When I look to God, when I see Christ, when I remember all that’s been done for my salvation … I know I am not lost, and I have this Hope that wherever I am, God will still fulfill His will for me. He already has a set time for every event in my life. I just have to be a little more patient and a lot more courageous.
somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
Sometimes, we find ourselves divulging too much of our thoughts and feelings to certain people, for reasons we try to justify – seeking advices, looking for reassurances or validations, wanting to be heard, or just simply we want to unload some stuff off our chests. Whatever the reason, sharing does make the load double or half. Mathematically it is something not possible… either sharing is a multiplier or a divider but it can never be both. That is why, you know, math cannot explain ALL things in life. So, I hope they cut down all the years in math that, as students, we took! Well, unless you can prove to me that if I share 1 with 2 I can get a result of 2 and sometimes 0.5 when sharing, mathematically, is dividing something for others. I’m not here to prove math is useless, I’m just entertaining myself with this idea that ha-ha, math does not have the answer! :P
What I’m really trying to point out is, how wonderful and amazing sharing does to a person that it puzzles me why some people would still choose not to. Share your joys, they double. Share your sorrows, they decrease if not disappear. When you feel God loves you and you are overwhelmed with this love, share it. When you feel you are in a trial and you are overwhelmed as well, share it! That is the magical equation of sharing. (: Share the good stuff, we feel good. Share the bad stuff, the burden lightens.
If we’re not yet in the habit of sharing, start small. Start with a candy, share a thought that makes you happy, or share a concern you have. In my experience, what good vibes you receive afterwards.
PS. Don’t expect when you share. Just, share. And let God work on your heart and your situation. (: The real subject of sharing is you. The real benefactor when you share is yourself. So when you think about it, if you love yourself, you’ll share yourself more!
Having this theme, Exile, for the second time makes me appreciate it even more. To have God’s Word laid out in front of me is such a treasure. If the first time I swam in it, this time I’m diving in to it. There is so much more to reveal, to know, to proclaim, and so much glory found in His Works, His Plans.
Lord, sustain me, sustain us! Cos, we can become tired and then lazy to move after a day’s work… sustain us to move our butts, lift up that book, the Bible and the pen, and read into Your message. And prepare us, the group, for all that You are going to reveal in this theme.
Confession: I am struggling to keep my eyes open as of this writing… so my mind’s debating whether lunch break is for nap time or reading. :P
Pixies & Stardust 