Pixies & Stardust

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  • He Initiates, He is Faithful.

    Sometimes we think we know, we think it is by our own effort, our desire.

    Yet with God HE ALWAYS INITIATES. He initiates the call, the love, the forgiveness, the kindness- everything that we are and which are good flows from Him.  And everything that hurts us and destroys us flows from our flesh, our desire and will to be better than God, to be the god of our lives.

    Therefore it is true and right that to be happy and to have peace, true joy and love, it is enough to have God, the source of joy peace goodness and mercy.

    While I may hurt and my heart breaks, because the flesh’s will is being destroyed and disturbed, my soul is at peace, my spirit consoles and bears witness of God’s love and faithfulness. My tears will fall yet not in vain for my spirit knows who takes account of all my tears, my heart breaks to pieces yet not in vain for my spirit knows the Healer of broken hearts. It hurts, it disturbs me, I am shaken yet will not fall for the Lord, my God, is Rock Eternal. I have Hope because He is faithful. 

    10.21.2019 / debbie

  • The Prettiest Girls

    They say happy girls are the prettiest…

    God says, girls who are deeply rooted in Him are the prettiest. 

    All I know is, God doesn’t lie. (:

    And He also said, “in this world you will have trouble” so, you cannot be always happy like crazy… realistically speaking. 

    The prettiest girls are those who understand God’s heart, welcome her struggles and enter the storm with God and remains kind in a cruel world. Other girls may trample upon her, people may take her for granted, she will most probably be misunderstood a lot of times by this world, but she will not be shaken because God has her.

    She remembers her crown, fix it and do a curtsy. Now that is pretty. 

    09.21.2019 / debbie

  • Betwixt

    I remember all You’ve done
    But now I stand here in the valley
    Uncertain, wondering
    Wandering in betwixt

    I retrieve each memories
    Consoling my weary soul
    Fighting hidden battles
    Wandering in betwixt

    What I know versus where I am
    My feelings against Your truth
    Seeking Your clarity
    Wandering in betwixt

    I look towards the horizon
    – the day I can rejoice
    Yet You tell me to praise
    While wandering in betwixt

    05.22.2021 – Debbie

  • Gratitude

    There is a quote, actually there are 2 quotes about gratitude that are deeply ingrained in my brain and heart.  I encountered them decades ago in school

    First is that of Meister Eckhart’s – “if the only prayer you said in your life is “thank you”, that would suffice.”

    Another one is this: “gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough and more…” – Melody Beattie.

    It goes on to say, “It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

    If there is one thing, only one thing I am grateful for today, it is that God keeps me.  He didn’t allow my heart to be embittered by the hurt.  It was there, bitterness, creeping in, finding small cracks to crawl in to my heart and enslave it, I felt it, at times it felt satisfying but it scared me.  I tasted the bitterness and I didn’t like it a bit. I felt the coldness.  It made me think, maybe hell isn’t all tormenting fire – maybe hell is actually that cold, dark and sad place of discontentment and vengeance, nothing is enough and everything is wrong.

    God kept me, protected me.  Yes, I failed, I stumbled, I sinned – yet He didn’t let me go.  He made sure I would be the better person even when He had to put me into the fire, because I have to be put in to the fire.  He didn’t allow my failure, my sins and my confusion to snatch me away from Him.  He didn’t allow evil to overcome me.  He saw every single tear and knew every broken pieces of me and nothing was in vain.  And for that I AM GRATEFUL.

    That is enough for now, for this moment.  

    11.19.2019 – Debbie

  • Unwelcomed Visitor

    An unwelcomed visitor came this morning. He told me: 

    You are despicable, such a nuisance, too much to handle, never enough. No one can stand your presence and be your friend. 

    The words stung. There is truth in his words. I bowed down and prayed, and told him:

    you are correct, I am all you mentioned, that’s why I need God all the more, because only He can look at me with love and mercy and tell me i am worthy and enough… and only He can make people bear and love me as He does. 

    and he left.

    The devil doesn’t always lie… He isn’t an all-out liar but a master deceiver. Clothe yourselves with the armour of God and seek wisdom above all else. 

    12.19.2019 – debbie

  • that space

    we all have that space
    that small corner
    a secret place
    where thoughts gather
    loud and silent
    wild and calm
    passing through a storm
    then facing the sun
    tend this special place
    be kind to your mind
    give yourself grace
    you are doing fine
    08.20.2021 – debbie

  • Japan

    2025 Yokohama/Hakone

    The mountain and the sea
    the sun and the tree.
    Giving back in praises to the Creator,
    The same One who created Thee.
    03.10.2024

    Canon Autoboy Luna with Kodak Gold 200

  • Another Chapter

    It’s a continuum – life. I had a long pause here. I did not stop writing down my thoughts, yet I stopped sharing them on here. Why? I can never really say. I would share some of those here little by little and add on new ones as I continue on to discover the goodness of God in my life.

    Though I am writing for myself more than for others, I pray that to you who get to encounter these bits and pieces of me online gets to see His goodness and faithfulness in your life as well. May these words find you just as needed. ♥

  • Weak

    I can’t go on.
    I had enough.
    I can’t do this anymore.

    Recently, I went through something I am used to – people come and people go, right? I should be able to handle this for the nth time. Well, I was wrong. And I saw how it is true – when you are breaking down inside, you vividly see how the world perfectly goes on, how people happily lives on without you, while you try to pull yourself together with all your might.

    The questions come one after the other, questions most often you won’t find answers to. And slowly, the bitterness creeps in, and before you know it, darkness. I started to question things I know about, questioning God, questioning myself. Every thing is wrong, someone has to be responsible for this. I have my choices: God, me, or him. Yet I cannot choose apart from me so I point the fingers at myself and felt ever more wrong, which lead me to question God, why create me? It’s a cycle spiralling down towards a dark abyss. I know other people would have chosen differently, and maybe for some it could have been easier to blame the other person and get over with it. That was my choice, a choice which clearly shows how much self-love I have – close to zero. I am selfish, but I do not love myself. I believed I was strong and now I am demanding that strength from myself.

    One truth remains and that is, in darkness, Light will shine brighter, in weakness, His strength will be magnified. Only when I shift my focus away from myself and focus on Him; only when I stop blaming myself and start loving His creation called me; only when I accept the divine help He so freely offer and has been keeping me; only when I stop trying to control and solve the situation and rely on Him; only when I start to die to self and live for Him. It is singing to God with all my heart and soul Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hand, cos I can’t do this on my own…

    As of this writing, I still struggle. Yet I know, I do not struggle alone and true help comes from Him. I still have a lot to learn from St. Paul. I don’t know how to boast about my weakness. I only plead for the thorn to be taken away but to delight in the thorn is something else. Yet St. Paul clearly said, for God’s strength to rest in me, I must first boast about my weakness. I pray that I will have true strength to surrender and tell about my weakness. Lord, I am a sinner and I cannot do this alone. I’ve tried and failed and hurt myself and other people. This is just too much for me to handle.

    Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

    Second letter of St. Paul to the church in Corinth 12:8-10

    True strength isn’t about being sassy, sexy, independent, self-reliant and in control.

    True strength doesn’t rely on self – it dies to self.

    Recognizing our human frailty and leaning on Him is what makes us strong.

    A woman of strength recognizes she is weak and in need of a savior. She admits her need. She knows that it’s only the good kind of weak – the humble, soft, teachable kind – that will truly make her strong.

    The Right Kind of Strong – Mary A. Kassian

  • The Lost Sheep

    I feel I am not worthy to write about God and the things of above. Before sitting down for this, I was bothered by these thoughts: so you want to tell people about God but here you are, you just committed another sin. Forget about writing about God, do not be a hypocrite, no one will listen to a sinner. Forget about writing at all, don’t waste your time. And I almost believed the lies. True, I am a sinner, I am the lost sheep. The lies are that I am not worthy and that no one will listen.

    Just when I am about to get on my feet in the spiritual battle and find my purpose, I find myself attacked and fallen.  Sometimes we think, God allowed it trying to take on the responsibility of our choices.  Yet God allows choices, and I choose to do those sins.  I go out of the fence and wander far from Him. It is a dark and dangerous field out there and I find myself being beaten down time and again, by my thoughts, my actions – deceived time and again. 

    I asked God, don’t you get tired of looking for me and taking me back?  I accused Him of letting all these happen.  Why cannot He just keep me safe in the fence and so my life will be happy?  Why give me the freedom to wander off and hurt myself and others?  I cried to Him, I am so tired of trying to understand and fight and do what you want me to do and I am so tired of this life, there is just no way that I will be perfect, holy and a Christian.  Even my tears are tired of falling, my heart tired of breaking.  Everything about me is just simply tired, but the irony of it all, in the tiredness I didn’t let go of the rein of my life, I didn’t turn over my life to God.  I held on to it with my remaining strength, trying to fix things, trying to figure things out. 

    God, on the other hand, in His faithfulness continue to prod me, silently calling out to me, seeking me, and keeping me.  I know He does.  I cannot explain how I know, yet I believe with all my heart the only reason I still have my sanity and that I am still breathing and writing this right now is God keeping me and keeping His covenant with me.  And He is asking me, aren’t you tired of trying to make sense of your life?  Why don’t you rest in me? 

    I wish I can tell you it happened overnight.  That I heard Him and accepted the invitation at once without arguing; that at the point I accepted and rest in Him, things got better.  It was a process that for some would take a while for others longer. Finally giving in and resting in Him, there was peace, there was true joy in me.  But one incident, one memory, one harsh reality and boom!!! a huge wave of thoughts and feelings rush back. I try to run away but it caught me.  I try to stay afloat while it beats down on me.  Truly, me of little faith.  Forgetting the Anchor, forgetting to fix my gaze on Jesus.  Things didn’t get better overnight, but gradually, in little steps, in little moments, with the graces of God, smaller battles are won.  It may take a little more time for me to be truly okay, or maybe I won’t be entirely okay and memories will bring me emotions that will challenge my peace and joy, yet I pray to be anchored to His truth, that in this world, I will have troubles, and I have to take heart and remember that Jesus has overcome the world and has been victorious and in that my hope lies, my rest is in Him.

    12 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

    Matthew 18 NIV

    28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

    Matthew 11 NIV

    33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

    John 16 NIV

    Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.
    Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

    Psalm 62:1 – 2 NIV