I’d Still Take This Road

No regrets.

There are moments that sometimes challenge me, showing me the things that could have been, should have been, if only, what if’s … shoulda, woulda, coulda…  yet, I wouldn’t trade anything for this path I have treaded.

True, there are times I wished life could have been kinder to me, wished that I could have avoided all the tears and heart aches, betrayals and battles, yet those were exactly the things that shaped me, events that put me to the test of faith.  I cannot say I’ve always emerged victorious when it comes to that test – of faith.  Like Peter, I would lose my focus on Jesus and gaze at the waves surrounding me and sink.  Yet by God’s grace, I made it through each storm, and I continue to weather through the storm through His grace.  Not without sinking in tears, not without bending from the wind, not without gasping for air through the waves, yet time and again, He reminds me whenever I call out to Him – trust Me, I got you and I got this.

The future will always scare me, even if when I think I had it figured out.  For one, I know no human can have it all figured out.  Secondly, I’m not someone who really plans so far ahead and I only have this simple vision of a future that I desire.  It still scares me because the simple future I mention requires so much humility and obedience to achieve.  And the devil clearly knows this, when what you desire is contrary to his, he attacks the more.  I read in a book by C. S. Lewis that it is exactly in making you think of the future that the devil will put fear in your heart, for one it is because no one knows the future – not him, not you, so he can suggest to you all scary outcome to attack your peace until fear turns to doubt and chaos.  We all fall prey to this.  Nothing wrong with daydreaming, with wishing for a future, with desiring this future, yet when it starts to scare us, when it starts to scare me – learn to run to the One who has it all figured out and who holds our future.

So looking back, I will still take this road because back then this was the uncertain future that I didn’t expect and it played out beyond what I could imagine.  Though life is hard, it is beautiful.  And what’s next in this wonderful journey, I take it moment by moment with prayer in my heart, entrusting the future I know not and the desires I have to the One who loves me.

I know not what my future holds, but I know who hold my future” ~ Homer

 

In The Waves

Life throws events in haphazardly and kinda expect you to figure it out and survive it.  Often it seems like that.  And to find myself in a situation I never imagined is truly a blow in my I-know-what-I’m-getting-into stance in life.  I have often heard and being told to step out of my comfort zone, to step into the waves and move from the shore – well, HELLO WAVES!  I, myself, am surprised with the things that I’ve done for the past weeks, months, and surprised as well to how I’ve handled situations – sometimes poorly, other times I think I did okay.

One thing I am certain is, I do not regret anything – stepping out of the comfort zone, going for something my heart wants, jumping into the middle of the waves – no regrets.  It was definitely scary, and it still is, yet I also see in all this how God has been faithfully keeping me from drowning and how patiently He waits for me to act.  Sometimes I struggle with His timing, His time frame, His idea of love and sacrifice yet He is ever-present and reminding me to trust, to wait, to hope and to obey.  Well, the last one is the toughest one for me, because I have a stubborn heart.  If you can get away with something, won’t you?  But He has been patiently reminding me, forgiving me, His patience for me, I HAVE NO WORDS!

I am writing this down for the reason that I haven’t written anything recently here as my thoughts are lately too personal for sharing.  And at the same time, writing this down to share and pray for other people who might be going through the same as I am – take courage, stay steadfast, He is in the waiting, (as the song goes…).  Definitely, God is in the waiting.

And I need also to be reminded of His Word.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5

The Cross & The Empty Tomb

We speak about the cross, about carrying our crosses, about laying down our worries at the feet of the cross.  The cross – the symbol of His infinite and unfailing love.

I stand beneath Your cross and I look up, I see Love, my sins, my unworthiness, and my redemption.  And then I look at the empty tomb – Love fulfilled.  The tomb of my sins washed clean.  The tomb of my failures, gone.  Your resurrection is my Hope fulfilled.

The cross, Your Love.  The empty tomb, Your victory.
The cross, my salvation.  The empty tomb, my Hope.
The cross, a reminder of the life in this world.  The empty tomb, a reminder of heaven.

Beneath Your feet my tears fall, outside your empty tomb my heart rejoices.  Lord Jesus, my God, unworthy as I am, Your Love overtakes me.  There is nothing more than I want than to rejoice in Your victory.

Help me.

1144 06.18.2018

I will live through all the wrongs with Your Truth.
I will trust through all the wait with Your Word.
I will see through all the pain with Your Love.

•djane•
03.08.2018

Prayer

Never under estimate the power of a prayer.  At times, we need to look outside of ourselves to see how God works His wonders.  We tend to concentrate too much on our needs (humanly speaking) without realising the spiritual need that God is fulfilling in each of us every moment.  We tend to think that our prayers, to be fulfilled, has to be met in our conditions, yet God’s thoughts is not ours to fathom.  And in His great mercy, He doesn’t meet our conditions but always provide us our specific needs.

To be used by God to help others is not a cause for us to boast but it is humbling and unworthy of us to play a part in salvation’s history and what a grace that He finds us to do His will.

Even if we disregard the prompting of the Spirit, the other’s prayer will be answered in His ways beyond what we can imagine. Yet to be able to follow the prompting of the Spirit is not by our own strength but that which the grace that God gives us, the heart that He molds and moves.

All prayers are effective as God hears them and He moves heaven and earth to fulfil His will.

02.10.2018 00:09

 

I go…

Why these words
Why these thoughts
Why such revelations
This mind has to hold
Why stir this heart
Why chosen apart
Why such emotions
Where do I start

What step to take
How far to go
Where forth I don’t know
This road I follow
Swayed by the wind
Lost in the spin
I falter and fall
Yet you gave it your all

Lean on the Wood
Rest on the Rock
Lay on Your feet
Saved by Your blood

© 05.09.2017 23:28

None

Because He lives;
Because He forgives;
Because He is God;
Because He is Almighty;
Because He saves;
Because He loves me.
What reasons do I have
Not to believe, not to trust?
None.
Because there’s none like Jesus,
None like God,
Who will take all of me –
Even the broken, sinful part of me –
To embrace them all and love me.

© May 4, 2017

March-ing by

Since this month started, seems like things were going fast.  Lent arrived and then – boom!  A week left of the month and I wonder where have I been?  I mix up days, forget dates, here but absent.  My mind drifting and sometimes shutting down.  I’m staring but not really seeing.  And right now, my body screams STOP!!!- but I cannot.  There are things needed to be done and things I wanted done.  I haven’t prepared a draft for my blog post this March.  I haven’t picked up the book I was reading.  I haven’t been sleeping at the designated time I wanted to, not getting enough hours of sleep.  Seems like I’m running after time.  Just like that, the days are marching past me.

I am overwhelmed as soon as I shifted my eyes away from God and focused on this world.  I am downcast as soon as I turned my back to His Word and embraced the world.

Last night brought me so much consolation.  His Word that is truly alive and active and accomplishes its purpose.

PSALM 27

[Of David] Yahweh is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear? Yahweh is the fortress of my life, whom should I dread?  When the wicked advance against me to eat me up, they, my opponents, my enemies, are the ones who stumble and fall. Though an army pitch camp against me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, my trust will never be shaken.  One thing I ask of Yahweh, one thing I seek: to dwell in Yahweh’s house all the days of my life, to enjoy the sweetness of Yahweh, to seek out his temple.  For he hides me away under his roof on the day of evil, he folds me in the recesses of his tent, sets me high on a rock.

Now my head is held high above the enemies who surround me; in his tent I will offer sacrifices of acclaim. I will sing, I will make music for Yahweh.  Yahweh, hear my voice as I cry, pity me, answer me!

Of you my heart has said, ‘Seek his face!‘ Your face, Yahweh, I seek;  do not turn away from me. Do not thrust aside your servant in anger, without you I am helpless. Never leave me, never forsake me, God, my Saviour.  Though my father and mother forsake me, Yahweh will gather me up.

Yahweh, teach me your way, lead me on the path of integrity because of my enemies; do not abandon me to the will of my foes — false witnesses have risen against me, and are breathing out violence.  This I believe: I shall see the goodness of Yahweh, in the land of the living.  Put your hope in Yahweh, be strong, let your heart be bold, put your hope in Yahweh.

 

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 

When we view life as a race, we have this tendency to compete and win at all cost, sometimes even forgetting our values and trampling on other people’s worth just to emerge as winners, successful or powerful people. God gave us a life to travel along with Him, to journey and enjoy each moment. When we race through life, we do not stop and smell flowers. That is contrary to what life is about. Learn to slow down, to enjoy each moment, to rest in His love and to trust in His purpose. Learn to trust the journey. ☺

Been A While

Sometimes you just want to tell someone what has been happening, or write it down and hopefully someone will be interested to read it.  But then again, nah!  I don’t want to bore you with my life story. 😛

I’ve discovered Easter, I still walk in valleys at times, and desert on other times, yet I know very well my God is with me, always with me.  And busy months followed Holy Week – Mission Sundays, weddings after weddings – but the most important event, I must say, would have to be the moment God told me that the hour has come and my salvation is nearer than thought of – this is in relation to the work I’m in for 12 years now.  Few years back, I prayed hard for a decision I am trying to make and God gave me the word – to wait for harvest time.  Just few months back, after being persecuted yet again in this job that I’m in, God gave me consoling words one after the other, day after day, capped off with the verse from Romans.  So now I am looking forward to God’s fulfillment of this promise. 🙂

And I ask, whoever will come to read this, to also pray for me and for the next step I will be needing to make – to entrust my future to God.  And if it is not too much to ask, kindly include us in your prayers so we can all make it to Krakow next year for the World Youth Day! 🙂  THANK YOU!

Listen to me, you descendants of Jacob, all the remnant of the people of Israel, you whom I have upheld since your birth, and have carried you since you were born.  Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. (Isaiah 46:3-4)

Even When I Am In This Valley, I Praise You

I am in the valley, the ‘white space’ in my walk with the Lord – the space where you know He’s there but you just can’t see or hear Him.  I feel abandoned, let down, disappointed, and yet I know He’s gotten me all secure and safe.  It’s just that my heart struggle to accept some things and prefer to enjoy the hurt because the hurt is there but the promise unseen.  Yet, His promise, His Word stands firm, it is the only thing that is eternal and lasting, the only truth in all these mess I am in.  For the past days I have been praying, “Lord, please speak to me… please talk to me… please…” and like what I told a friend, it felt like an off-air signal on the radio, not even static.  I would read His Word each morning to console me that all is not lost and that He is there, always there.  I tried reading between the lines, of figuring out what’s going on, of looking for His will yet the more I try, the more I get side-tracked, lost and frustrated.  As much as making sense, they don’t.  So imagine my delight when I finally opened yesterday’s Faith Gateway devotional “When You Can’t Feel God“.  And I know, He has opened the door I’ve been banging on for the past days to slip me this message.  This white space necessitates me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I clearly do not see any thing that has been promised, I witnessed it being taken away actually.  Right now, clearly, His promise is the only thing I have, His Word, His faithfulness, Him – my God.

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. (2 Corinthians 5:1-9)

He Will Make Everything Beautiful

My dear Father who loves giving surprises has began His work… and I’m still uncertain where this is leading.  All I know and all I hold on to right now is the Word He gave me this morning from Ecclesiastes: “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  And He will make this circumstance I am in right now beautiful as well, in His time, in His perfect time.  And knowing God, there is just no way I can fathom or even imagine what He can possibly do for me.

Sometimes I would find myself trying to figure it out, which will only frustrate me obviously.  I went through hell yesterday feeling insecure, cheated, questioning and stupid.  I thank God for surrounding me with discerning people who knows to say the right thing as I grapple for His Word the whole day yesterday.  It was already evening when I finally see the word HOPE and TRUST which was staring at me all day long, which in my insecurities and questionings I failed to see.

The best thing for me to do right now, though it may not be the easiest, is to TRUST HIM WHOLLY and LEAN ON HIS UNDERSTANDING and HAND OVER THE PEN TO HIM (refills and all) for Him to write my story and BE PATIENT.  Not a matter of “OR” but AND’s … I have to fulfill the four!  Not easy… Yet possible.  By prayer, with thanksgiving, possible.  Please pray with me.  Thank you.

Abraham and Us

To trust someone is to lovingly depend on him, paraphrasing what Father Luis Sierra mentioned to us last Wednesday.  Trust is a big and heavy word, loving dependence on the other hand is a lovely, comforting word that gives me that warm fuzzy feel.

Dependence, trust, confidence, patience, FAITH – words closely-related to each other, interchangeable, huge words, words we know yet we struggle to understand and live out, words we often halfheartedly commit to.

One person, one name, revealed more than a word to me – Abraham.

Most of us know Abraham as the father of Faith.  Yet not most of us understand why he is the father of faith.  We think that his Continue reading

Trust Issues

We all have them.  And we all have different reasons why we cannot trust some people, some products, and some situations.  What really surprised me is that as much as we praise, glorify, adore, exalt God, He is one being we have trust issues with.  Some might acknowledge, some might feel appalled by the idea, some might deny – but just think about and reflect on it.  When God tells us, ‘sell all your possessions’, we respond by saying ‘we do not have many possessions’ or ‘I do not own anything, they’re all rented and borrowed’ when in fact we have enough to sell on OLX and earn from it!  When God tells us, ‘go and announce’, we respond by making reasons why we just cannot.  When God tells us to ‘go forth and multiply’, we take out our calculators and bank accounts and blame poverty to population growth and you know, we’re just being prudent and practical.

Often these trust issues are masked by our want to be in control, our desire for comfort, the rational and practical reasons that we lay out there.  Oh and how we make so much sense with our arguments!  But unveiling that façade, deep in the heart of our reasons and arguments, it all boils down to that – we do not trust God enough that He will deliver for us, He will deliver us.  I know I have not given God my absolute trust and surrender; that a part of me still holds back, too attached to this world.  And I continually pray to God that He will work in me and work in my heart, because only He can change my stubborn heart, only He can accomplish and maintain that changed heart of mine.

So, “HOW CAN YOU NOT TRUST GOD?”  Appalling?  Dismaying?  How do you feel when you know someone does not trust you?  Why are we so afraid to trust an Almighty Being?  Why do we feel we can and He cannot accomplish some things for us?  Why cannot we absolutely give Him our trust?  I leave you these questions to ponder on and may He show you your answers and your reality.  I pray you will open your hearts to acknowledge them and decide in your heart that you will start to trust Him moment by moment.

Learn to trust the journey...

Learn to trust the journey…