This Is Not a Sad Story

This is not a sad story.

She loved and lost and loved and lost and loved and lost… and I began to wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing with her life.  I watched her stare at the night sky as tears roll down her cheeks, thinking to myself, does she ever get tired of wishing on the stars?  Or, the stars, what do they think of her wishes?  Could their twinkle be laughter or tears for her loss?

She opened her heart each time, scarred as it already was, to vulnerability – trusting, hoping, breaking.  Does she really know what she’s doing?  How stupid!  And I heard all the promises made to her, all the words she has kept in her heart and believed in.  I listened and wondered how she can be so naïve to believe in forever, in always.  To overlook the lies and the excuses and to believe in the best of people.  I wanted her to be mad, to be really mad at the world, at the lies, yet she sat there by the sea, hoping in silence, healing I suppose.  I heard the breaking of her heart in to pieces, yet she stayed there staring at the waves, refusing to break herself.

And I heard her mutter, “one more time” and I thought to myself, she must be really crazy!  One more what?  Heartache, hurt, pain, one more time to be tossed aside like the sea shells on the sand?  One more what?  Does she plan to cry tears as much as the ocean?  Then her heart whispered, “yes… again.  Love.  Until we get it right.

Sadness is temporary, but to have loved is eternal.

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He Will Make Everything Beautiful

My dear Father who loves giving surprises has began His work… and I’m still uncertain where this is leading.  All I know and all I hold on to right now is the Word He gave me this morning from Ecclesiastes: “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  And He will make this circumstance I am in right now beautiful as well, in His time, in His perfect time.  And knowing God, there is just no way I can fathom or even imagine what He can possibly do for me.

Sometimes I would find myself trying to figure it out, which will only frustrate me obviously.  I went through hell yesterday feeling insecure, cheated, questioning and stupid.  I thank God for surrounding me with discerning people who knows to say the right thing as I grapple for His Word the whole day yesterday.  It was already evening when I finally see the word HOPE and TRUST which was staring at me all day long, which in my insecurities and questionings I failed to see.

The best thing for me to do right now, though it may not be the easiest, is to TRUST HIM WHOLLY and LEAN ON HIS UNDERSTANDING and HAND OVER THE PEN TO HIM (refills and all) for Him to write my story and BE PATIENT.  Not a matter of “OR” but AND’s … I have to fulfill the four!  Not easy… Yet possible.  By prayer, with thanksgiving, possible.  Please pray with me.  Thank you.

Storm

In the silence of the morning
Staring out my window
Sun shining down the pavement
Too calm for my own enjoyment

A knock shook me out of my daze
Walking to the front door
Something inside me twist in pain
Why did it feel it’s gonna rain

I run against the wind
Rain against my face
Reaching out to you
Calling out your name

Inside folded primly like a napkin
Words staring back at me
The sun turned black I couldn’t see
How can you leave, how can this be

Pushed against the wall in my bedroom
I gasped for air to breathe
Just last night you said we’ll be forever
What changed your mind to up and leave

I run against the wind
Rain against my face
Reaching out to you
Calling out your name

This whirlwind romance I do not understand
I fell too quickly now I’m dropped like a bomb
​You with your perfect smile left like a perfect storm
Now I’m drenched and clueless, where did I go wrong

I run against the wind
Rain against my face
Reaching out to you
Calling out your name

©djklmnopi 12.04.14 15:06

You don’t get to make up most of your story. You get to make peace with it.
You don’t get to demand your life, like a given. You get to accept your life, like a gift.
~ Ann Voskamp