This is not a sad story.
She loved and lost and loved and lost and loved and lost… and I began to wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing with her life. I watched her stare at the night sky as tears roll down her cheeks, thinking to myself, does she ever get tired of wishing on the stars? Or, the stars, what do they think of her wishes? Could their twinkle be laughter or tears for her loss?
She opened her heart each time, scarred as it already was, to
vulnerability – trusting, hoping, breaking.
Does she really know what she’s doing? How stupid! And I heard all the promises made to her, all
the words she has kept in her heart and believed in. I listened and wondered how she can be so naïve
to believe in forever, in always. To
overlook the lies and the excuses and to believe in the best of people. I wanted her to be mad, to be really mad at
the world, at the lies, yet she sat there by the sea, hoping in silence,
healing I suppose. I heard the breaking
of her heart in to pieces, yet she stayed there staring at the waves, refusing
to break herself.
And I heard her mutter, “one more time” and I thought to
myself, she must be really crazy!
One more what? Heartache, hurt,
pain, one more time to be tossed aside like the sea shells on the sand? One more what? Does she plan to cry tears as much as the
ocean? Then her heart whispered, “yes…
again. Love. Until we get it right.”
Sadness is temporary, but to have loved is eternal.
And he is the calmness in the chaos in me. The clarity of my hazy mind and the the certainty of my changing heart.
Es en la madrugada
Aquí en el momento
Mi corazón, en silencio
Palpita en Tu gracia
Laté para Ti
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
~ Khalil Gibran
Hasty. While most girls are stereotyped as fickle-minded, I happen to fall in the category of ‘impatient/hasty’. I am not fickle, I was pretty consistent with being hasty, prudence was not in my vocabulary. I was not rushed, but I was rushing with my choices.
For years I’ve been going around in circles, not learning my lessons. If you’ve seen ‘Tangled’ (I ♥ that movie), there’s a scene where Rapunzel was having extreme happy-sad moments: one minute running around all excited and the next crying and sulking. I laughed at that scene, it was funny, but most of all, it reminded me of myself.
I have to hit the brakes.
It’s time to set the fine line with following one’s heart to making hasty decisions. The desire of the heart can be deceiving. The devil knows your desires and will use it against you. Unlike the princesses in fairy tales, I do not have that much margin for error, no prince charming (yet) to save my fall, no fairy godmother to fix broken pieces. It is still best to follow one’s heart. And anyone who tells you to do so advises well. However, following one’s heart requires patience, prudence and a lot of prayer. Only then can God protect your desire and in His time fulfill it.