There are moments that sometimes challenge me, showing me the things that could have been, should have been, if only, what if’s … shoulda, woulda, coulda… yet, I wouldn’t trade anything for this path I have treaded.
True, there are times I wished life could have been kinder to me, wished that I could have avoided all the tears and heart aches, betrayals and battles, yet those were exactly the things that shaped me, events that put me to the test of faith. I cannot say I’ve always emerged victorious when it comes to that test – of faith. Like Peter, I would lose my focus on Jesus and gaze at the waves surrounding me and sink. Yet by God’s grace, I made it through each storm, and I continue to weather through the storm through His grace. Not without sinking in tears, not without bending from the wind, not without gasping for air through the waves, yet time and again, He reminds me whenever I call out to Him – trust Me, I got you and I got this.
The future will always scare me, even if when I think I had it figured out. For one, I know no human can have it all figured out. Secondly, I’m not someone who really plans so far ahead and I only have this simple vision of a future that I desire. It still scares me because the simple future I mention requires so much humility and obedience to achieve. And the devil clearly knows this, when what you desire is contrary to his, he attacks the more. I read in a book by C. S. Lewis that it is exactly in making you think of the future that the devil will put fear in your heart, for one it is because no one knows the future – not him, not you, so he can suggest to you all scary outcome to attack your peace until fear turns to doubt and chaos. We all fall prey to this. Nothing wrong with daydreaming, with wishing for a future, with desiring this future, yet when it starts to scare us, when it starts to scare me – learn to run to the One who has it all figured out and who holds our future.
So looking back, I will still take this road because back then this was the uncertain future that I didn’t expect and it played out beyond what I could imagine. Though life is hard, it is beautiful. And what’s next in this wonderful journey, I take it moment by moment with prayer in my heart, entrusting the future I know not and the desires I have to the One who loves me.
“I know not what my future holds, but I know who hold my future” ~ Homer