I don’t think anyone can ever stop loving someone entirely.  Sometimes love turns to hate, but I’m not sure it’s possible to ever stop feeling for them.  Despite whatever feelings she has left over for Jack, I have not doubts about her affection for me.

~ Froggy/Prince Charlie (Land of Stories)

When you’re not okay and yet you have to show up and be okay.  I don’t know which is worse, that or not being okay.

 

Left My Heart in Lent

So, Easter came.

People celebrated Christ’s victory in their lives. I celebrated with them, even when my heart breaks and aches, my victory unseen and unfelt, I got more questions than answers. Will I say I’m misunderstood? Maybe.

I will be honest. Easter came yet my heart felt like Lent. It’s like the flowers have bloomed in spring yet my heart remained in the icy cold winter. I wanted to step into the garden and take in the beauty of spring. Believe me, I do and I pray for it. I was even looking forward to it with all positivity and expectations. Expectations are such downers…

Please do not rush me. Please do not tell me “how dare you think like that” or judge me for being un-Christian and doubtful. I know God’s victory for me will come, but right now, I cannot see it and I do not know what to do but hope. And this hope sometimes get swallowed up in pity and tears. What am I getting all hung up on? That a person decided in his heart he doesn’t like me? No. That not a single person I liked would like me back, they can but they won’t. Period. Self-pity at its core. It’s not you, it’s me. Something must be wrong with me. Yet God never ever created anything wrong, all He created is good and pleasing and beautiful. So where do I fit in?

Change of perspective, they say it’s all about perspective. But please let me wallow a bit in this – I have been here before but not quite the same, not this close to the light at the end of the tunnel only to be suck back in the tunnel. This time it was Continue reading

Second-Guessing

I notice that look
I disregard it
I shake off the feeling
Of enjoying it

I heard what she said
About you and me
Laugh off the thought
The meaning behind it

And we go round and round in circles
Second-guessing ourselves
Thinking might be, hoping may be
Not truly wanting to dissuade ourselves

Sometimes I feel like
You’re running away
Or maybe I’m haunted
By imaginary days

Is this avoidance
The fear of dismay
To fight off feelings
For prudence’s sake

And we go round and round in circles
Second-guessing ourselves
Thinking might be, hoping may be
Not truly wanting to dissuade ourselves

Maybe it’s time to simply let it go
Enjoy what comes and cry for moments gone
Been reading minds and stares and smiles
I’ve failed too many times don’t want to fail this time

And we go round and round in circles
Second-guessing ourselves
Thinking might be, hoping may be
Not truly wanting to dissuade ourselves

©djklmnopi 11:53 12.01.14