A season of coming. Expectation. Longing. Waiting. A call to be vigilant and awake, to wake up from slumber and to be on the watch. And yet the weather just makes you want to cuddle up with someone or with your blanket and take a nice warm sleep.
God is not asking us not to take our naps or sleep physically, obviously. He created sleep for our bodies to recharge and regenerate. To stay awake and not to slumber is a call for our hearts to be on the watch and more vigilant than in any other season because God is coming and He will surely come in a time we never expect. Just so happen, advent is also a season of busy-ness, holiday rush, deadlines at work, ending the fiscal year, decorating homes, attending gatherings and dinners, holiday shopping – there are just too many things to do that our Lord is asking us to guard our hearts, our thoughts and our bodies lest all these to-do take over the yearning of our soul – the longing of the soul to see and recognize our Saviour. That, for me, is to stay awake, to be vigilant, to be extra watchful.
I struggle in this season – concerns flood my mind and things happening around me affects me easily. While the Christmas cheer rings around me, my heart moves along a roller-coaster that seems to drop farther than it lifts. Outside it seems well, inside it’s a battle. I grapple to hold on to something, anything, to keep my head above the water, to come to terms with events in my life, to understand the unknown (which is insane, I know) and to stay awake and keep watch for the Lord’s coming.
If there is one thing I am grateful to God, it is that He created me with a stubborn heart, very stubborn! Some may think that is not a positive thing, but in this moment, it is for my good – that I refuse to let evil take over me, that I refuse to accept the lies of the devil in my life – to just drop everything and not fight because it’s futile, lies! So I fight by surrendering and dying, in silence I fight and hope in the midst of confusion, in this waiting. All these things I have no strength to do by myself, so I do the only thing I can and am asked to do – PRAY. Even when at times I don’t understand my prayers anymore or the text I’m reading or what I am even telling God or that I need to rush because I’m running late for work. In His faithfulness, He keeps me here in the waiting. In my tears, He listens. With every breaking of my heart, He picks up the pieces.
Advent is a season of expectation for His coming and this year I see that the Lord also looks at me and waits for me to approach Him in humility and surrender, and meets me in this very situation to walk with me.